So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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