I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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