Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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