And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
