and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
