Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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