The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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