There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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