she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
