you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
