I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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