I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
