i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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