just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
