people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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