i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
