We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
