sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
