Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
