This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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