We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
