I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
