So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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