she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
