they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
