I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
