Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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