u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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