your parents love me but you hate me
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
