Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
