I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
