when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
