woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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