the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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