I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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