Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize