My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
