i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
