After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
