I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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