By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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