if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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