Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
