her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
