I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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