Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
