I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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