The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
