I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
