she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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