I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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