and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
