Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
