so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
