you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
