I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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