dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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