My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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