..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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