I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
