gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
