Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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