ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
