I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
